This is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done, so shh! I must protect my dignity, of course. I am a pretentious human being, me. It all began on a cheerfully bright Saturday morning when I was 8 years old.
I sat in the shade of a mahogany tree, I was enjoying my sandwich for breakfast. There were laughing kids running around, people lying by the pond, a squirrel starring at me on a nearby tree, and all kinds of – wait. What? I looked back at the squirrel. It started at my sandwich hungrily. I didn’t move. It didn’t move. And suddenly – it POUNCED! It made a flying leap that knocked my sandwich onto the floor. It grabbed it with its mouth and ran! It gave me a smug look that suggested it stole food from people all the time without consequences. Well, that was not going to stand this time. NO, SIR. This time there was going to be consequences, SQUIRREL.
I chase it through the park, only hesitating for a heartbeat when I remembered my mom didn’t want me to wander around alone until I was 10. But I was almost 9, which is technically 10, right? I kept running, and something caught my eye. An acorn! I grabbed it and promptly flung it at the squirrel, hitting it fair and square on the head. Dazed, it shook its head, registering what just happened. Then it grabbed the acorn and leapt up a tree, already gnawing on it. The sandwich lay on the ground, and was surrounded by birds quickly. I laughed, figuring I didn’t want a sandwich some squirrel drooled all over anyways. I ignored the fact that that meant I chased the squirrel for no reason at all. Guess I was too impulsive back then.
When I looked at the tree the squirrel ran up, I realized it was a mahogany tree.
And I could swear a certain squirrel poked its head out and winked at me.