Yiu Ching Yoyo
Last Saturday after the violin class, Terry went to a park. He went with his dog Kobe. They went to the park because he wanted to take a rest. He put his violin on the bench.
Terry went home and took a lunch because he was extremely hungry. When he went home, he didn’t bring Kobe and the violin home. He was too hungry.
He went home and mum asked, “Where is Kobe and the violin?” Terry rushed to the park but could not see them. He went to the police station and asked a police, “Do you see a violin and a dog? It is white.” “No,” the police replied. Terry felt sad and worried.
Terry sat on the ground and cried. The violin was a present from his grandma when he had his 9th birthday. He loves the violin so much.
At last he went home and said, “Mum, I… I can’t find them.” At this monent, Kobe carried the violin and came out. Terry was very happy.
Miss Ng’s Comments:
The ideas are clearly presented. It makes your writing easy to understand. Well done, Yoyo!