Cao Zhiheng Lily
Last Saturday after the violin class, Terry went to a park nearby alone to play. When Terry arrived at the park, he saw a cute dog with white fur playing a ball on the ground. Terry put his violin on the bench. Then, he picked up the ball and threw it as far as he could. The dog chased the ball happily... …
Two hours later, Terry felt tired and hungry. He just realised it was time for dinner. Terry went home in a hurry and forgot his violin completely. On the way back home, a beautiful lady with short straight hair said hello to Terry. “Oh! It was Ms. Ng, my violin teacher. OH NO! Where is my violin?”
Terry rushed back to the park immediately. However, the violin was GONE!!! There was nothing on the bench. Terry searched everywhere in the park, but gained nothing. He felt terribly frustrated and sat on the grassland heavily, wondering what he could do. Terry still clearly remembered the day when his grandma gave him the violin as a gift for his sixth birthday. This violin was hand-made in Italy and his grandma used to play it in many grand concerts. He promised he would take good care of it. But now…
Suddenly, Terry felt something touching his feet. He opened his eyes. It was the naughty dog which Terry played with. The little dog barked at Terry and ran into the bushes near the bench. Terry followed it and found something lying in the bushes. “Oh my god! It is my violin! How SMART this dog is!” Terry hugged the clever dog happily.
Miss Ng’s Comments:
Amazing, I can see a great improvement! You made good use of adjectives and adverbs. I can see your effort put on enhancing you sentence fluency. It makes your writing more appealing! Well done!